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An Audio Recollection Of Detestable Erectional Misadventure

by Festerfuck

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1.
My sister had a slumber party And I was getting really fucking annoyed But the stupid little bitches... Wouldn't stop giggling Eating all our food and gossiping Mom was passed out drunk so I... Grabbed a clean pillow case and threw in a fucking brick Marched into that fucking room They thought I was kidding around Then I got smacked in the face with a Hello Kitty throw pillow AUUUUUUGH! I swung hard, clobbered the one with glasses and her face split In an explosion of brain matter and shattered teeth Tweeners screamed while I bludgeoned them one by one I laid lethal smack down on every one of those cunts With two hundred threads and five pounds of red cement This pillowcase is really bloody and I think I may have thrown my shoulder out bashing in cucumber masked faces with extreme prejudice And there's a colon tangled in the ceiling fan and bone flecks in my slippers Why do I have a boner and why does my mom drink so much? Drenched in blood The deed is done I rub one out And go back to bed
2.
Strangely arousing, fantasies of phallic feelers I want my fingers to become five little penises Touching anything would be rather pleasant for me Except for zippers and casserole dishes fresh out the oven If I were to ever get mad and strike someone out of anger They would be a maligned recipient of a quintuple cockslap Foreplay and finger-banging could leave a girl pregnant With an extremely messy five-way hand-jaculation If only my... Fingers were... If only my... fingers were penises! My bro's high fives would really hurt me something awful And delicious fried chicken would lead to autofellatio My fingernails need to be replaced with glans! Tactile modification! Penile articulation! General genital daily interaction! Pissing out my pinkie! Bonerific birdie! I'd twiddle my thumbs until I bust a nut! If only my stupid fingers were penises!
3.
Red-faced and sweating on the thunderbox Painful peristalsis while riding this porcelain bus Pray to colonic gods for blessed respite As I suffer nine-alarm curry guts Sorry about the bite marks in your dunny-can doorhandle Sorry about the bite marks in your dunny-can doorhandle Chewed right through the knob, bleeding, splintered gums Embedded tooth from blistering pooh, AND I SAID I WAS FUCKEN SORRY!!! SORRY!!!
4.
Makin’ bacon in the mud Dicey donger stuffed in her slop trough! Bar-hoppin’, drinkin’ shine, lookin’ for a fluffy fuck I like ’em meaty and abundant Bring ’em back to the lovin’ shack, throw ’em on the shit-stained bed And shag ’em in the drunken sweaty flab folds! G-string, A to V, flossing on her ample frame Pussy slurry, in no hurry, fumes make my head spin Jigglin’ jowls and breasticles tighten up my testicles Grunting, groaning, cunting, moaning, hog-tied! Cellulite ripples as I go to town My cock flops in and out her belly button Roll ’em in flour, try to find the wet spot Violent and horny, coagulated man batter splatter Fat-tastic fun porkin’ piggies on a dare Slippin’ saddlebags the de-thonged sausage Frights on with the lights on, not for the faint of heart Need to see where to park my pig destroyer Wet horrendous clapping, pelvis slappin’ ass Bruises on the buttocks, limp the next day Pee-pee in the sweat-trap, pubic overgrowth Plunge among the bedsores, ruptured pustules Cellulite ripples as I go to town My cock flops in and out her belly button Roll ’em in flour, try to find the wet spot Violent and horny, coagulated man batter splatter Silverfish Scurry out from beneath her tits Suck that dick Inhale it like you’re hungry! Prey on the overbese Easily fulfil my needs BBW’s put out fast Baggin’ heifers, hoggin’ ass
5.
Fudgy knuckle! Jerkin’ the gherkin and getting nowhere Sweat down my gooch and in my arse hair Aching forearm and splayed toes Thumb goin’ numb and a jiggle-weary scrote Tweakin’ my nipple or rollin’ my balls There’s only one thing left Colonoscopising with my manicured length Using my digit for what it was not meant It gets me to the finish-line and drops me to my knees But there’s fudge on my knuckle
6.
Uh, uh, uh! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
7.
Jesus... All you had to do was take a pill! Now I'm working three jobs... for a family I never wanted! Sleep... Such a precious commodity It won't stop fucking crying... I've reached my breaking point! Grab the old twenty gauge out of the closet, pace in a circle trying to wrap my head around The fact that I haven't slept in three fucking weeks and my bank account is in the negative Loading up four shells of double O buckshot, standing at the bawling crib gibbering maniacally Pump the round home and lay on trigger, feel the gun kick, report shaking the windows The bastard infant reduced to red wet pulp, two of the shells end up in the head of my bitch wife Shotgun wedding ends rather ironically, nursery covered in bloody Rorschachs and headparts The moral of the story is don't trust a bitch, rubberize your dick or get yourself snipped Covered in gore, I'm left with one shell, it's time to take my hard earned nap in hell!
8.
Conundrum of the Unkempt Nauseating Trout-hole (CxUxNxTx) Hey there lass, can I smell your twat? If not then it must just be your socks.
9.
I should be in Brahms Thought this was a shortcut There's something wrong The entire town's abandoned What lurks in the fog? Faceless Creatures Skin dirty and glossed Limbs contorted Horrid perversions Psychosexual Fatal Assailed by monsters only I can see He Approaches Dragging Despair Penance personified into a mask made of steel Hell-forged knife so overlarge it scrapes on the floor Amongst the blood and rust Macabre disrepair Fanatic occult secrets Stay cloaked in darkness Old gods they worship Deified demons Bizarre ceremonies in alternate dimensions There is a hell... and it's South of Lake Toluca
10.
Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob Oi! Oi! Oi! Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob Oi! Oi! Oi! Gl’brrgle glllgl gl’brrgle Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob Oi! Oi! Oi!
11.
Undue accidental trauma By klutzy female mishaps Delicious mammary abscess On a bed of white rice And kimchi With chopsticks Incision to aspirate the tit Dollopping human udder butter Savory axe-wound seepage Cyst scraped out with a paper clip Packed back up in dirty gauze Rotten pussy parmesan Gorging the sepsis / Wet chunks imbibed from Ripped nips Split clits! Ripped nips! Split clits! Bon appetit!
12.
AUUUUUUUUUUGH Cramping in my stomach Ulcers in an uproar Enzymes in my saliva Try my hardest not to hurl Staving off the sickness Gastro-intestinal weakness With a turkey sandwich And 12 tall-boys Lulled into a false sense Of security and complacency Temporarily relieving Inevitable vomiting The flu, food and some brew Unsavoury combination Abdominal contractions Equilibrium lost/I've started spinning Upchucking all over Michael's car Warm wet chunks shoot into my lap Splattering all over the dashboard Roll down the window, puke some more Jet-stream leaves the passenger side covered Foetid boozy spew all over my face My jacket and your car now smell like my stomach *barfing noises*
13.
Captivity 01:44
It's been some time since we met at the bus stop Still so wily, and far from tame Humans Gifted by god with such great insolence Beauty meant for those with ambition Teach the meaning of total obedience I will Mold you into the pet I always wanted Broken Under the barn, it's you I love At first you struggled when I consecrated us Forcefully deflowered Behaviour in a complete one eighty After six years captivity Multiple beatings, indoctrinated with god I am your master, lord and saviour (It's been) Six years, since you've last seen sunlight Six years, your parents gave up looking Six years, you allowed me to break you Six years, spent on your scabby knees Six years on your dirty cot My wife taught you how to dress up pretty To tickle my fancy And keep me hard When you're too old and ugly You'll join the others I once loved In six black plastic bag coffins
14.
The girl down the road is infected with an ailment so queer Her reproductive organs are in a serious, viral uproar Her vagina has a cold Symptoms are strange, runny snot covers her twat Frequent labial spasms compress and expel the air down there In the form of a musty, sneezy queef How does this girl At the tender age of fifteen Become host to a common cold Nested in her naughty bits? Did you take a dirty dick? Did you wipe yourself with a used Kleenex? Day five and the virus has not yet burnt itself out The sputal leakage has increased five-fold From a strange growth on her clit Upon closer inspection, much to my dismay and chagrin The growth is not a hive or a wart, but a metamorphosis She is growing a nose on her clit It sniffles constantly and refuses to use a tissue Coughing and retching, her vagina is regressing And it’s adopting a slightly corpse-like tinge of blue It’s day eight and the cold seems to be going away Day nine the residual snot is belched out in a final bollous But the clit-nose still remains Still under quarantine This lovely young lady Isolated to halt the spread Of this mutant cold virus Now ridiculously deformed downstairs You’re looking mighty delicious “As your doctor and caretaker, I do decree: To be cured, you must have sex with me” So gullibly she falls form my line, clinging to hope of a cosmetic cure Getting undressed now, surely the virus has run its course Booger-lubed, but tight, I slide right in But this doesn’t feel right Hard, sharp growths line her insides and I’m scared now I pull out, but her snatch clenches, and I feel the bite Viral vaginal dentate The teeth crunch through and I can’t breathe Pale and in shock from pain and the blood loss Penile severance, we hardly knew ye As blood sprays from my ragged crotch stump I grow faint and hit the ground Her vagina somehow giggling As it chews my dick into oblivion She then starts to sit on my face Reverse cunnilingus My last vision is a shiny, wet pussy With teeth coming to rip my face off And I saw no more
15.
I lavish in the arterial spray of ragged wounds and screaming victims I bathe in the agony of tool-inflicted amputation Sawing and sawing and sawing, it leaves me itchin’ I have myself a hack-saw addiction Every night After work I gather my things and hit the town Hunt you down Knock you out, drag you home and strap you down Sedation fades Confused screams, begging “please, don’t hurt me!” Saw unsheathed Watch it gleam, so pretty, belongs to me The first push breaks skin with a sickening wet crunch Back and forth motion; a shriek escapes your lungs Ripping through tendons, blood blown on the wall I snap through the bone, perversity leaves me enthralled Shrieking - screaming bloody murder Snapping - tendons won’t stretch further Puncture - make my own vaginas Rapture - you’d be dead if I was kinder Voiding - Colon is now empty Force feed - Oral shit re-entry Tearing - Perineum non-existent Arse/Cunt - Ease of double-fisting I lavish in the arterial spray of ragged wounds and screaming victims I bathe in the agony of tool-inflicted amputation Sawing and sawing and sawing, it leaves me itchin’ I have myself a hack-saw addiction Shrieking - screaming bloody murder Snapping - tendons won’t stretch further Puncture - make my own vaginas Rapture - you’d be dead if I was kinder Voiding - Colon is now empty Force feed - Oral shit re-entry Tearing - Perineum non-existent Arse/Cunt - Ease of double-fisting
16.
17.
Grindcore Nipples!
18.
Severed hippy heads carbonizing in a campfire Worthless moonbats, burnout scum Armpits overwhelm patchouli incense Degenerate, jobless, PC pussies Spange your way to the Rainbow Gathering Live off food stamps, but fuck the Man Musty stench of free love pig sex Posted in a shanty Motherfucker Bad blotter next camp over Fry Malfunction Neighbor's murderous trip Motherfucker Unexpected death to hippies Axe attacked Ragged neck wounds Headless gypsies Hacking bum flesh Body chewed Engulfed in fire Heads cremated The killer dances Acid psychosis Drenched in blood Trippin' balls No survivors Must find more Must kill more Stinking vagrants Fucking hippies
19.
Chevy Astro Van with baby blankets used as curtains Prowling around swing sets, malls and kindergartens A leather duster, his cock, and a pocket full of Hershey's See no grass on the field? Play ball. Satiating his lust with ages 3 to 7 Preferably male with blonde hair and green eyes Prey on the young, screams and fearful tears Internal bleeding from heinous anal trauma Biting as he thrusts Horn-rimmed glasses fogged Corporal ass fuck Gagged with his sock Find it hard to breathe? Fatal penknife stabbing Saw off the head! Twelve little pieces! Bagged up nicely! And thrown in the river! Cutting out the sphincter and chunk of large intestine Slather it in Vaseline and use it as a fief Nose-full of underwear, fondling himself tenderly Cleaning off a soiled cock with a box of baby wipes YAAAAAAAAAAAA Drivin' himself home He hoses the van out He gets ready for work A gruelling day of door to door Selling carpet cleaners and steak knives!
20.
Street walking's not the problem But there's a little something wrong I'm fairly healthy, sailor Unless we're talking about my dong I'm livin' splaycheck to splay check Got no money for the cure I spread my clap like peanut butter What they don't know won't hurt' em... Yet Dick drenched in cologne Burning So it won't smell Bump uglies with the lights off in an effort to hide my Rotting, gangrenous member During a night of vile, sickening dickening With animal intensity Carnal lust with a bacterial reaction My putrefaction, tackle action Scabby, oozing, seeping Pus-riddled erection Necrotic, crusty, chancres Syphilitic infection Contagious, breeding, thriving Sickness of the wiener Fasciitising, malignant, boner Zombie-like pecker (Th)rash! Hundred bucks an hour Diseased kind of sleaze Pay for the orgasm The parting gift is free
21.
Annoying cunt-face Under-achiever Dead-head spastic I wish he was just dead Stuff a hacky-sack In his bong-hole DICK Severed dreadlock in my pocket As my trophy…
22.
Dude, I was really drunk and horny I had (a) Half a stock Blue balls And your sock I know you're really pissed and you have every right to be But you donning a pair of dirty socks is a helluva lot grosser Than last night's jizz inbetween your toes Smelly cotton condom Wooly one night stand Argyle girl friend I got off in your sock
23.
Hellishly ingenious Glycerine and jet fuel Carpet bomb the countryside Charred limbs, flash fried What used to be children Cajun-style boys and girls Leather on the outside White meat on the inside They all screamed alike when they were alight The bomb doesn't discriminate Casualties in the third degree Napalm sticks to all the little children of the world
24.
Gigantic Overlarge Humungous Titanic Big Mitts Huge ass Ham fists Man hands This fucking blind date Has to be a lame prank Cute curvy blonde, five foot four But she harbors hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys Dick-skinners so mammoth they could be planets She's got hands the size of God's face Trying to make conversation, but rapidly going nowhere Consumed by thoughts of those massive pork fingered nightmares "Is your steak cooked to your liking?" "It's just dandy, are you related to Lui Hua?" They're too bulky for silverware She uses her phalanges as a shovel Empathetic tears came bitterly When I learned she worked in proctology
25.
Feculent violence with a ball peen hammer Started small with diapers but then I eventually work my strength up to a ten pound crap maul, feverishly pummeling the shit out of unwitting occupied port-a-potties Green plastic shatters Cutting into Bill the painter With my manure coated malus I knock half his face off Thrashed to a pulp Hammer smashed faeces Smashed into jelly Mixed with sun-cooked sludge Baptized in rancid waste, viscera and toilet paper Clobbered into scraps and resting in excrement My hands and face are covered in dookie Sometimes I like to stick my face in a big ass puddle of human muck and drown myself completely in it until I black out and blow bubbles; Waking up odoriferous and confused
26.
Twenty year old bitch OD'ed for attention, changed her mind, (and) dialed an ambulance By the time they arrived, she was blacked out Clutching Xanax bottles with a titty hanging out Unorthodox gastric lavage EMT's take turns fucking her face Stomach lining coated in seed Stopping further absorption of medication Administered activated carbon She's now choking on the charcoal Kicked In the stomach Regurgitate Black chunky slop Containing pills and stringy slime Massive handfuls Dutifully stuffed back down Stomach pumped semen forcefully reimbibed Choking, still unconscious Cycling tracheal violence Pills flushed out of her system Yet the punishment continues When she wakes tomorrow she'll have no recollection Of her degradation...
27.
Enter the world of a damaged girl Beauty with a scarred sexual psyche Sworn off vanilla sex, gotta make it hurt But no acts involving another's member Extensive, erotic catalogue At the age of nine, her innocence lost By her uncle and a lubed up permanent marker Inanimacy, it's all fine and dandy Fucked with anything handy Thrust her with anything brusquely to make her cum In order to get off, she requires a lot of pain Blood-soaked penetration Violent, to make her feel something Stretching her out and pounding her hard With a rolling pin missing the top handle She gushed all over when I removed it from her and Stabbed her crotch with a garden trowel She begged for more! Grab the broom and break the handle Punch it in and twist around Splinters catch her insides and they tangle up When I remove the handle, innards follow Violently She cums All the while Bleeding out

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released November 4, 2011

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Festerfuck Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Festerfuck was goofy, deathgrindwhatever from the bowels of Wisconsin land. Shat into existence in 2008, we are a prime example of why people with bent dicks, no money and a steady .24 BAC shouldn’t be allowed to touch expensive instruments.

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