An Audio Recollection Of Detestable Erectional Misadventure
by Festerfuck
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CD - "An Audio Recollection Of Detestable Erectional Misadventure"
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Digital Album
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Fudgy Knuckle
00:32
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Diaper Sniper
01:14
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South Of Lake Toluca
01:23
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Captivity
01:44
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Snot-covered Twat
02:04
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Hacksaw Addiction
01:59
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Grindcore Nipples
00:04
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Kill All Heshers
00:19
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Tube-steaked Tube Sock
01:26
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Hammer Smashed Faeces
01:07
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credits
released 04 November 2011
tags
license
all rights reserved
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Festerfuck is goofy, lo-fi deathgrindwhatever from the bowels of Wisconsin land. Shat into existence in 2008, we are a prime example of why people with bent dicks, no money and a steady .24 BAC shouldn’t be allowed to touch expensive instruments.
discography
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Nov 2011 -
Oct 2009 -
Oct 2008
contact / help
For help with downloads, click here.
For all other inquiries, including help with merch, click here.
- Track Name: Super Brutal Pillow Fight Fatalities
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My sister had a slumber party
And I was getting really fucking annoyed
But the stupid little bitches...
Wouldn't stop giggling
Eating all our food and gossiping
Mom was passed out drunk so I...
Grabbed a clean pillow case
and threw in a fucking brick
Marched into that fucking room
They thought I was kidding around
Then I got smacked in the face
with a Hello Kitty throw pillow
AUUUUUUGH!
I swung hard, clobbered the one with glasses and her face split
In an explosion of brain matter and shattered teeth
Tweeners screamed while I bludgeoned them one by one
I laid lethal smack down on every one of those cunts
With two hundred threads and five pounds of red cement
This pillowcase is really bloody and I think I may have thrown my shoulder out bashing in cucumber masked faces with extreme prejudice
And there's a colon tangled in the ceiling fan and bone flecks in my slippers
Why do I have a boner and why does my mom drink so much?
Drenched in blood
The deed is done
I rub one out
And go back to bed - Track Name: If My Fingers Were Penises...
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Strangely arousing, fantasies of phallic feelers
I want my fingers to become five little penises
Touching anything would be rather pleasant for me
Except for zippers and casserole dishes fresh out the oven
If I were to ever get mad and strike someone out of anger
They would be a maligned recipient of a quintuple cockslap
Foreplay and finger-banging could leave a girl pregnant
With an extremely messy five-way hand-jaculation
If only my...
Fingers were...
If only my... fingers were penises!
My bro's high fives would really hurt me something awful
And delicious fried chicken would lead to autofellatio
My fingernails need to be replaced with glans!
Tactile modification!
Penile articulation!
General genital daily interaction!
Pissing out my pinkie!
Bonerific birdie!
I'd twiddle my thumbs until I bust a nut!
If only my stupid fingers were penises! - Track Name: Sorry About The Bite Marks In Your Dunny-can Doorhandle
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Red-faced and sweating on the thunderbox
Painful peristalsis while riding this porcelain bus
Pray to colonic gods for blessed respite
As I suffer nine-alarm curry guts
Sorry about the bite marks in your dunny-can doorhandle
Sorry about the bite marks in your dunny-can doorhandle
Chewed right through the knob, bleeding, splintered gums
Embedded tooth from blistering pooh, AND I SAID I WAS FUCKEN SORRY!!!
SORRY!!! - Track Name: Balls Deep In A Corpulent Mass Of Clogged Arteries & Daddy Issues
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Makin’ bacon in the mud
Dicey donger stuffed in her slop trough!
Bar-hoppin’, drinkin’ shine, lookin’ for a fluffy fuck
I like ’em meaty and abundant
Bring ’em back to the lovin’ shack, throw ’em on the shit-stained bed
And shag ’em in the drunken sweaty flab folds!
G-string, A to V, flossing on her ample frame
Pussy slurry, in no hurry, fumes make my head spin
Jigglin’ jowls and breasticles tighten up my testicles
Grunting, groaning, cunting, moaning, hog-tied!
Cellulite ripples as I go to town
My cock flops in and out her belly button
Roll ’em in flour, try to find the wet spot
Violent and horny, coagulated man batter splatter
Fat-tastic fun porkin’ piggies on a dare
Slippin’ saddlebags the de-thonged sausage
Frights on with the lights on, not for the faint of heart
Need to see where to park my pig destroyer
Wet horrendous clapping, pelvis slappin’ ass
Bruises on the buttocks, limp the next day
Pee-pee in the sweat-trap, pubic overgrowth
Plunge among the bedsores, ruptured pustules
Cellulite ripples as I go to town
My cock flops in and out her belly button
Roll ’em in flour, try to find the wet spot
Violent and horny, coagulated man batter splatter
Silverfish
Scurry out from beneath her tits
Suck that dick
Inhale it like you’re hungry!
Prey on the overbese
Easily fulfil my needs
BBW’s put out fast
Baggin’ heifers, hoggin’ ass - Track Name: Fudgy Knuckle
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Fudgy knuckle!
Jerkin’ the gherkin and getting nowhere
Sweat down my gooch and in my arse hair
Aching forearm and splayed toes
Thumb goin’ numb and a jiggle-weary scrote
Tweakin’ my nipple or rollin’ my balls
There’s only one thing left
Colonoscopising with my manicured length
Using my digit for what it was not meant
It gets me to the finish-line and drops me to my knees
But there’s fudge on my knuckle - Track Name: Green Olives Make A Bitchin' Butt Plug
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Uh, uh, uh!
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! - Track Name: Diaper Sniper
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Jesus... All you had to do was take a pill!
Now I'm working three jobs... for a family I never wanted!
Sleep... Such a precious commodity
It won't stop fucking crying... I've reached my breaking point!
Grab the old twenty gauge out of the closet, pace in a circle trying to wrap my head around
The fact that I haven't slept in three fucking weeks and my bank account is in the negative
Loading up four shells of double O buckshot, standing at the bawling crib gibbering maniacally
Pump the round home and lay on trigger, feel the gun kick, report shaking the windows
The bastard infant reduced to red wet pulp, two of the shells end up in the head of my bitch wife
Shotgun wedding ends rather ironically, nursery covered in bloody Rorschachs and headparts
The moral of the story is don't trust a bitch, rubberize your dick or get yourself snipped
Covered in gore, I'm left with one shell, it's time to take my hard earned nap in hell! - Track Name: Conundrum Of The Unkempt, Nauseating Trout-hole
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Conundrum of the Unkempt Nauseating Trout-hole (CxUxNxTx)
Hey there lass, can I smell your twat?
If not then it must just be your socks. - Track Name: South Of Lake Toluca
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I should be in Brahms
Thought this was a shortcut
There's something wrong
The entire town's abandoned
What lurks in the fog?
Faceless
Creatures
Skin dirty and glossed
Limbs contorted
Horrid perversions
Psychosexual
Fatal
Assailed by monsters only I can see
He
Approaches
Dragging
Despair
Penance personified into a mask made of steel
Hell-forged knife so overlarge it scrapes on the floor
Amongst the blood and rust
Macabre disrepair
Fanatic occult secrets
Stay cloaked in darkness
Old gods they worship
Deified demons
Bizarre ceremonies in alternate dimensions
There is a hell... and it's South of Lake Toluca - Track Name: Big Shoes, Big Socks, Big... Bob
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Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Gl’brrgle glllgl gl’brrgle
Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob
Oi! Oi! Oi! - Track Name: Gorging On Septic Seepage Of Ripped Nips & Split Clits
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Undue accidental trauma
By klutzy female mishaps
Delicious mammary abscess
On a bed of white rice
And kimchi
With chopsticks
Incision to aspirate the tit
Dollopping human udder butter
Savory axe-wound seepage
Cyst scraped out with a paper clip
Packed back up in dirty gauze
Rotten pussy parmesan
Gorging the sepsis / Wet chunks imbibed from
Ripped nips
Split clits!
Ripped nips!
Split clits!
Bon appetit! - Track Name: Uncontrolled Spew Of Undigested Food & Half-metabolized Booze
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AUUUUUUUUUUGH
Cramping in my stomach
Ulcers in an uproar
Enzymes in my saliva
Try my hardest not to hurl
Staving off the sickness
Gastro-intestinal weakness
With a turkey sandwich
And 12 tall-boys
Lulled into a false sense
Of security and complacency
Temporarily relieving
Inevitable vomiting
The flu, food and some brew
Unsavoury combination
Abdominal contractions
Equilibrium lost/I've started spinning
Upchucking all over Michael's car
Warm wet chunks shoot into my lap
Splattering all over the dashboard
Roll down the window, puke some more
Jet-stream leaves the passenger side covered
Foetid boozy spew all over my face
My jacket and your car now smell like my stomach
*barfing noises* - Track Name: Captivity
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It's been some time since we met at the bus stop
Still so wily, and far from tame
Humans
Gifted by god with such great insolence
Beauty meant for those with ambition
Teach the meaning of total obedience
I will
Mold you into the pet I always wanted
Broken
Under the barn, it's you I love
At first you struggled when I consecrated us
Forcefully deflowered
Behaviour in a complete one eighty
After six years captivity
Multiple beatings, indoctrinated with god
I am your master, lord and saviour
(It's been) Six years, since you've last seen sunlight
Six years, your parents gave up looking
Six years, you allowed me to break you
Six years, spent on your scabby knees
Six years on your dirty cot
My wife taught you how to dress up pretty
To tickle my fancy
And keep me hard
When you're too old and ugly
You'll join the others I once loved
In six black plastic bag coffins - Track Name: Snot-covered Twat
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The girl down the road is infected with an ailment so queer
Her reproductive organs are in a serious, viral uproar
Her vagina has a cold
Symptoms are strange, runny snot covers her twat
Frequent labial spasms compress and expel the air down there
In the form of a musty, sneezy queef
How does this girl
At the tender age of fifteen
Become host to a common cold
Nested in her naughty bits?
Did you take a dirty dick?
Did you wipe yourself with a used Kleenex?
Day five and the virus has not yet burnt itself out
The sputal leakage has increased five-fold
From a strange growth on her clit
Upon closer inspection, much to my dismay and chagrin
The growth is not a hive or a wart, but a metamorphosis
She is growing a nose on her clit
It sniffles constantly and refuses to use a tissue
Coughing and retching, her vagina is regressing
And it’s adopting a slightly corpse-like tinge of blue
It’s day eight and the cold seems to be going away
Day nine the residual snot is belched out in a final bollous
But the clit-nose still remains
Still under quarantine
This lovely young lady
Isolated to halt the spread
Of this mutant cold virus
Now ridiculously deformed downstairs
You’re looking mighty delicious
“As your doctor and caretaker, I do decree:
To be cured, you must have sex with me”
So gullibly she falls form my line, clinging to hope of a cosmetic cure
Getting undressed now, surely the virus has run its course
Booger-lubed, but tight, I slide right in
But this doesn’t feel right
Hard, sharp growths line her insides and I’m scared now
I pull out, but her snatch clenches, and I feel the bite
Viral vaginal dentate
The teeth crunch through and I can’t breathe
Pale and in shock from pain and the blood loss
Penile severance, we hardly knew ye
As blood sprays from my ragged crotch stump
I grow faint and hit the ground
Her vagina somehow giggling
As it chews my dick into oblivion
She then starts to sit on my face
Reverse cunnilingus
My last vision is a shiny, wet pussy
With teeth coming to rip my face off
And I saw no more - Track Name: Hacksaw Addiction
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I lavish in the arterial spray of ragged wounds and screaming victims
I bathe in the agony of tool-inflicted amputation
Sawing and sawing and sawing, it leaves me itchin’
I have myself a hack-saw addiction
Every night
After work I gather my things and hit the town
Hunt you down
Knock you out, drag you home and strap you down
Sedation fades
Confused screams, begging “please, don’t hurt me!”
Saw unsheathed
Watch it gleam, so pretty, belongs to me
The first push breaks skin with a sickening wet crunch
Back and forth motion; a shriek escapes your lungs
Ripping through tendons, blood blown on the wall
I snap through the bone, perversity leaves me enthralled
Shrieking - screaming bloody murder
Snapping - tendons won’t stretch further
Puncture - make my own vaginas
Rapture - you’d be dead if I was kinder
Voiding - Colon is now empty
Force feed - Oral shit re-entry
Tearing - Perineum non-existent
Arse/Cunt - Ease of double-fisting
I lavish in the arterial spray of ragged wounds and screaming victims
I bathe in the agony of tool-inflicted amputation
Sawing and sawing and sawing, it leaves me itchin’
I have myself a hack-saw addiction
Shrieking - screaming bloody murder
Snapping - tendons won’t stretch further
Puncture - make my own vaginas
Rapture - you’d be dead if I was kinder
Voiding - Colon is now empty
Force feed - Oral shit re-entry
Tearing - Perineum non-existent
Arse/Cunt - Ease of double-fisting - Track Name: Grindcore Nipples
- Grindcore Nipples!
- Track Name: Severed Hippy Heads Carbonizing In A Campfire
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Severed hippy heads carbonizing in a campfire
Worthless moonbats, burnout scum
Armpits overwhelm patchouli incense
Degenerate, jobless, PC pussies
Spange your way to the Rainbow Gathering
Live off food stamps, but fuck the Man
Musty stench of free love pig sex
Posted in a shanty
Motherfucker
Bad blotter next camp over
Fry Malfunction
Neighbor's murderous trip
Motherfucker
Unexpected death to hippies
Axe attacked
Ragged neck wounds
Headless gypsies
Hacking bum flesh
Body chewed
Engulfed in fire
Heads cremated
The killer dances
Acid psychosis
Drenched in blood
Trippin' balls
No survivors
Must find more
Must kill more
Stinking vagrants
Fucking hippies - Track Name: Just A Trench Coat Full Of Lollies
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Chevy Astro Van with baby blankets used as curtains
Prowling around swing sets, malls and kindergartens
A leather duster, his cock, and a pocket full of Hershey's
See no grass on the field? Play ball.
Satiating his lust with ages 3 to 7
Preferably male with blonde hair and green eyes
Prey on the young, screams and fearful tears
Internal bleeding from heinous anal trauma
Biting as he thrusts
Horn-rimmed glasses fogged
Corporal ass fuck
Gagged with his sock
Find it hard to breathe?
Fatal penknife stabbing
Saw off the head!
Twelve little pieces!
Bagged up nicely!
And thrown in the river!
Cutting out the sphincter and chunk of large intestine
Slather it in Vaseline and use it as a fief
Nose-full of underwear, fondling himself tenderly
Cleaning off a soiled cock with a box of baby wipes
YAAAAAAAAAAAA
Drivin' himself home
He hoses the van out
He gets ready for work
A gruelling day of door to door
Selling carpet cleaners and steak knives! - Track Name: Putrefaction, Tackle Action
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Street walking's not the problem
But there's a little something wrong
I'm fairly healthy, sailor
Unless we're talking about my dong
I'm livin' splaycheck to splay check
Got no money for the cure
I spread my clap like peanut butter
What they don't know won't hurt' em... Yet
Dick drenched in cologne
Burning
So it won't smell
Bump uglies with the lights off in an effort to hide my
Rotting, gangrenous member
During a night of vile, sickening dickening
With animal intensity
Carnal lust with a bacterial reaction
My putrefaction, tackle action
Scabby, oozing, seeping
Pus-riddled erection
Necrotic, crusty, chancres
Syphilitic infection
Contagious, breeding, thriving
Sickness of the wiener
Fasciitising, malignant, boner
Zombie-like pecker
(Th)rash!
Hundred bucks an hour
Diseased kind of sleaze
Pay for the orgasm
The parting gift is free - Track Name: Kill All Heshers
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Annoying cunt-face
Under-achiever
Dead-head spastic
I wish he was just dead
Stuff a hacky-sack
In his bong-hole
DICK
Severed dreadlock in my pocket
As my trophy… - Track Name: Tube-steaked Tube Sock
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Dude, I was really drunk and horny
I had (a)
Half a stock
Blue balls
And your sock
I know you're really pissed and you have every right to be
But you donning a pair of dirty socks is a helluva lot grosser
Than last night's jizz inbetween your toes
Smelly cotton condom
Wooly one night stand
Argyle girl friend
I got off in your sock - Track Name: Napalm Sticks To All The Little Children Of The World
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Hellishly ingenious
Glycerine and jet fuel
Carpet bomb the countryside
Charred limbs, flash fried
What used to be children
Cajun-style boys and girls
Leather on the outside
White meat on the inside
They all screamed alike when they were alight
The bomb doesn't discriminate
Casualties in the third degree
Napalm sticks to all the little children of the world - Track Name: Colossal Clown Hands (She Has Hands The Size Of God's Face)
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Gigantic
Overlarge
Humungous
Titanic
Big Mitts
Huge ass
Ham fists
Man hands
This fucking blind date
Has to be a lame prank
Cute curvy blonde, five foot four
But she harbors hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys
Dick-skinners so mammoth they could be planets
She's got hands the size of God's face
Trying to make conversation, but rapidly going nowhere
Consumed by thoughts of those massive pork fingered nightmares
"Is your steak cooked to your liking?"
"It's just dandy, are you related to Lui Hua?"
They're too bulky for silverware
She uses her phalanges as a shovel
Empathetic tears came bitterly
When I learned she worked in proctology - Track Name: Hammer Smashed Faeces
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Feculent violence with a ball peen hammer
Started small with diapers but then I eventually work my strength up to a ten pound crap maul, feverishly pummeling the shit out of unwitting occupied port-a-potties
Green plastic shatters
Cutting into Bill the painter
With my manure coated malus
I knock half his face off
Thrashed to a pulp
Hammer smashed faeces
Smashed into jelly
Mixed with sun-cooked sludge
Baptized in rancid waste, viscera and toilet paper
Clobbered into scraps and resting in excrement
My hands and face are covered in dookie
Sometimes I like to stick my face in a big ass puddle of human muck and drown myself completely in it until I black out and blow bubbles;
Waking up odoriferous and confused - Track Name: Stomach Pumped Semen Forcefully Reimbibed
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Twenty year old bitch
OD'ed for attention, changed her mind, (and) dialed an ambulance
By the time they arrived, she was blacked out
Clutching Xanax bottles with a titty hanging out
Unorthodox gastric lavage
EMT's take turns fucking her face
Stomach lining coated in seed
Stopping further absorption of medication
Administered activated carbon
She's now choking on the charcoal
Kicked
In the stomach
Regurgitate
Black chunky slop
Containing pills and stringy slime
Massive handfuls
Dutifully stuffed back down
Stomach pumped semen forcefully reimbibed
Choking, still unconscious
Cycling tracheal violence
Pills flushed out of her system
Yet the punishment continues
When she wakes tomorrow she'll have no recollection
Of her degradation... - Track Name: Fucked With Anything Handy
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Enter the world of a damaged girl
Beauty with a scarred sexual psyche
Sworn off vanilla sex, gotta make it hurt
But no acts involving another's member
Extensive, erotic catalogue
At the age of nine, her innocence lost
By her uncle and a lubed up permanent marker
Inanimacy, it's all fine and dandy
Fucked with anything handy
Thrust her with anything brusquely to make her cum
In order to get off, she requires a lot of pain
Blood-soaked penetration
Violent, to make her feel something
Stretching her out and pounding her hard
With a rolling pin missing the top handle
She gushed all over when I removed it from her and Stabbed her crotch with a garden trowel
She begged for more!
Grab the broom and break the handle
Punch it in and twist around
Splinters catch her insides and they tangle up
When I remove the handle, innards follow
Violently
She cums
All the while
Bleeding out
