An Audio Recollection Of Detestable Erectional Misadventure

by Festerfuck

supported by
Gabriel Vallière
Gabriel Vallière thumbnail
Gabriel Vallière Pure fun. The bass. Favorite track: Stomach Pumped Semen Forcefully Reimbibed.
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price




released November 4, 2011



all rights reserved


Festerfuck Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Festerfuck was goofy, deathgrindwhatever from the bowels of Wisconsin land. Shat into existence in 2008, we are a prime example of why people with bent dicks, no money and a steady .24 BAC shouldn’t be allowed to touch expensive instruments.

contact / help

Contact Festerfuck

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Super Brutal Pillow Fight Fatalities
My sister had a slumber party
And I was getting really fucking annoyed

But the stupid little bitches...

Wouldn't stop giggling
Eating all our food and gossiping

Mom was passed out drunk so I...

Grabbed a clean pillow case
and threw in a fucking brick

Marched into that fucking room
They thought I was kidding around
Then I got smacked in the face
with a Hello Kitty throw pillow


I swung hard, clobbered the one with glasses and her face split
In an explosion of brain matter and shattered teeth
Tweeners screamed while I bludgeoned them one by one

I laid lethal smack down on every one of those cunts
With two hundred threads and five pounds of red cement

This pillowcase is really bloody and I think I may have thrown my shoulder out bashing in cucumber masked faces with extreme prejudice
And there's a colon tangled in the ceiling fan and bone flecks in my slippers
Why do I have a boner and why does my mom drink so much?

Drenched in blood
The deed is done
I rub one out

And go back to bed
Track Name: If My Fingers Were Penises...
Strangely arousing, fantasies of phallic feelers
I want my fingers to become five little penises
Touching anything would be rather pleasant for me
Except for zippers and casserole dishes fresh out the oven
If I were to ever get mad and strike someone out of anger
They would be a maligned recipient of a quintuple cockslap
Foreplay and finger-banging could leave a girl pregnant
With an extremely messy five-way hand-jaculation

If only my...

Fingers were...

If only my... fingers were penises!

My bro's high fives would really hurt me something awful
And delicious fried chicken would lead to autofellatio

My fingernails need to be replaced with glans!

Tactile modification!
Penile articulation!

General genital daily interaction!

Pissing out my pinkie!
Bonerific birdie!

I'd twiddle my thumbs until I bust a nut!

If only my stupid fingers were penises!
Track Name: Sorry About The Bite Marks In Your Dunny-can Doorhandle
Red-faced and sweating on the thunderbox
Painful peristalsis while riding this porcelain bus
Pray to colonic gods for blessed respite
As I suffer nine-alarm curry guts

Sorry about the bite marks in your dunny-can doorhandle
Sorry about the bite marks in your dunny-can doorhandle

Chewed right through the knob, bleeding, splintered gums
Embedded tooth from blistering pooh, AND I SAID I WAS FUCKEN SORRY!!!

Track Name: Balls Deep In A Corpulent Mass Of Clogged Arteries & Daddy Issues
Makin’ bacon in the mud
Dicey donger stuffed in her slop trough!

Bar-hoppin’, drinkin’ shine, lookin’ for a fluffy fuck
I like ’em meaty and abundant
Bring ’em back to the lovin’ shack, throw ’em on the shit-stained bed
And shag ’em in the drunken sweaty flab folds!

G-string, A to V, flossing on her ample frame
Pussy slurry, in no hurry, fumes make my head spin
Jigglin’ jowls and breasticles tighten up my testicles
Grunting, groaning, cunting, moaning, hog-tied!

Cellulite ripples as I go to town
My cock flops in and out her belly button
Roll ’em in flour, try to find the wet spot
Violent and horny, coagulated man batter splatter

Fat-tastic fun porkin’ piggies on a dare
Slippin’ saddlebags the de-thonged sausage
Frights on with the lights on, not for the faint of heart
Need to see where to park my pig destroyer
Wet horrendous clapping, pelvis slappin’ ass
Bruises on the buttocks, limp the next day
Pee-pee in the sweat-trap, pubic overgrowth
Plunge among the bedsores, ruptured pustules

Cellulite ripples as I go to town
My cock flops in and out her belly button
Roll ’em in flour, try to find the wet spot
Violent and horny, coagulated man batter splatter

Scurry out from beneath her tits
Suck that dick
Inhale it like you’re hungry!

Prey on the overbese
Easily fulfil my needs

BBW’s put out fast
Baggin’ heifers, hoggin’ ass
Track Name: Fudgy Knuckle
Fudgy knuckle!

Jerkin’ the gherkin and getting nowhere
Sweat down my gooch and in my arse hair
Aching forearm and splayed toes
Thumb goin’ numb and a jiggle-weary scrote
Tweakin’ my nipple or rollin’ my balls
There’s only one thing left

Colonoscopising with my manicured length
Using my digit for what it was not meant
It gets me to the finish-line and drops me to my knees
But there’s fudge on my knuckle
Track Name: Green Olives Make A Bitchin' Butt Plug
Uh, uh, uh!
Track Name: Diaper Sniper
Jesus... All you had to do was take a pill!
Now I'm working three jobs... for a family I never wanted!
Sleep... Such a precious commodity
It won't stop fucking crying... I've reached my breaking point!

Grab the old twenty gauge out of the closet, pace in a circle trying to wrap my head around
The fact that I haven't slept in three fucking weeks and my bank account is in the negative
Loading up four shells of double O buckshot, standing at the bawling crib gibbering maniacally
Pump the round home and lay on trigger, feel the gun kick, report shaking the windows
The bastard infant reduced to red wet pulp, two of the shells end up in the head of my bitch wife
Shotgun wedding ends rather ironically, nursery covered in bloody Rorschachs and headparts
The moral of the story is don't trust a bitch, rubberize your dick or get yourself snipped
Covered in gore, I'm left with one shell, it's time to take my hard earned nap in hell!
Track Name: Conundrum Of The Unkempt, Nauseating Trout-hole
Conundrum of the Unkempt Nauseating Trout-hole (CxUxNxTx)

Hey there lass, can I smell your twat?
If not then it must just be your socks.
Track Name: South Of Lake Toluca
I should be in Brahms
Thought this was a shortcut
There's something wrong
The entire town's abandoned
What lurks in the fog?

Skin dirty and glossed
Limbs contorted
Horrid perversions

Assailed by monsters only I can see


Penance personified into a mask made of steel
Hell-forged knife so overlarge it scrapes on the floor
Amongst the blood and rust
Macabre disrepair
Fanatic occult secrets
Stay cloaked in darkness

Old gods they worship
Deified demons
Bizarre ceremonies in alternate dimensions
There is a hell... and it's South of Lake Toluca
Track Name: Big Shoes, Big Socks, Big... Bob
Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob
Oi! Oi! Oi!

Gl’brrgle glllgl gl’brrgle

Big shoes, big socks, Big Bob
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Track Name: Gorging On Septic Seepage Of Ripped Nips & Split Clits
Undue accidental trauma
By klutzy female mishaps
Delicious mammary abscess
On a bed of white rice
And kimchi
With chopsticks
Incision to aspirate the tit
Dollopping human udder butter
Savory axe-wound seepage
Cyst scraped out with a paper clip
Packed back up in dirty gauze
Rotten pussy parmesan
Gorging the sepsis / Wet chunks imbibed from
Ripped nips
Split clits!
Ripped nips!
Split clits!
Bon appetit!
Track Name: Uncontrolled Spew Of Undigested Food & Half-metabolized Booze

Cramping in my stomach
Ulcers in an uproar
Enzymes in my saliva
Try my hardest not to hurl

Staving off the sickness
Gastro-intestinal weakness
With a turkey sandwich
And 12 tall-boys

Lulled into a false sense
Of security and complacency
Temporarily relieving
Inevitable vomiting

The flu, food and some brew
Unsavoury combination
Abdominal contractions
Equilibrium lost/I've started spinning

Upchucking all over Michael's car

Warm wet chunks shoot into my lap
Splattering all over the dashboard
Roll down the window, puke some more
Jet-stream leaves the passenger side covered
Foetid boozy spew all over my face
My jacket and your car now smell like my stomach

*barfing noises*
Track Name: Captivity
It's been some time since we met at the bus stop
Still so wily, and far from tame

Gifted by god with such great insolence
Beauty meant for those with ambition
Teach the meaning of total obedience
I will
Mold you into the pet I always wanted
Under the barn, it's you I love

At first you struggled when I consecrated us
Forcefully deflowered

Behaviour in a complete one eighty
After six years captivity
Multiple beatings, indoctrinated with god
I am your master, lord and saviour

(It's been) Six years, since you've last seen sunlight
Six years, your parents gave up looking
Six years, you allowed me to break you
Six years, spent on your scabby knees

Six years on your dirty cot
My wife taught you how to dress up pretty
To tickle my fancy
And keep me hard
When you're too old and ugly
You'll join the others I once loved
In six black plastic bag coffins
Track Name: Snot-covered Twat
The girl down the road is infected with an ailment so queer
Her reproductive organs are in a serious, viral uproar
Her vagina has a cold

Symptoms are strange, runny snot covers her twat
Frequent labial spasms compress and expel the air down there
In the form of a musty, sneezy queef

How does this girl
At the tender age of fifteen
Become host to a common cold
Nested in her naughty bits?
Did you take a dirty dick?
Did you wipe yourself with a used Kleenex?

Day five and the virus has not yet burnt itself out
The sputal leakage has increased five-fold
From a strange growth on her clit

Upon closer inspection, much to my dismay and chagrin
The growth is not a hive or a wart, but a metamorphosis
She is growing a nose on her clit

It sniffles constantly and refuses to use a tissue
Coughing and retching, her vagina is regressing
And it’s adopting a slightly corpse-like tinge of blue

It’s day eight and the cold seems to be going away
Day nine the residual snot is belched out in a final bollous
But the clit-nose still remains

Still under quarantine
This lovely young lady
Isolated to halt the spread
Of this mutant cold virus
Now ridiculously deformed downstairs
You’re looking mighty delicious
“As your doctor and caretaker, I do decree:
To be cured, you must have sex with me”

So gullibly she falls form my line, clinging to hope of a cosmetic cure
Getting undressed now, surely the virus has run its course
Booger-lubed, but tight, I slide right in

But this doesn’t feel right

Hard, sharp growths line her insides and I’m scared now
I pull out, but her snatch clenches, and I feel the bite

Viral vaginal dentate

The teeth crunch through and I can’t breathe
Pale and in shock from pain and the blood loss
Penile severance, we hardly knew ye
As blood sprays from my ragged crotch stump
I grow faint and hit the ground
Her vagina somehow giggling
As it chews my dick into oblivion
She then starts to sit on my face
Reverse cunnilingus
My last vision is a shiny, wet pussy
With teeth coming to rip my face off
And I saw no more
Track Name: Hacksaw Addiction
I lavish in the arterial spray of ragged wounds and screaming victims
I bathe in the agony of tool-inflicted amputation
Sawing and sawing and sawing, it leaves me itchin’
I have myself a hack-saw addiction

Every night
After work I gather my things and hit the town
Hunt you down
Knock you out, drag you home and strap you down
Sedation fades
Confused screams, begging “please, don’t hurt me!”
Saw unsheathed
Watch it gleam, so pretty, belongs to me

The first push breaks skin with a sickening wet crunch
Back and forth motion; a shriek escapes your lungs
Ripping through tendons, blood blown on the wall
I snap through the bone, perversity leaves me enthralled

Shrieking - screaming bloody murder
Snapping - tendons won’t stretch further
Puncture - make my own vaginas
Rapture - you’d be dead if I was kinder
Voiding - Colon is now empty
Force feed - Oral shit re-entry
Tearing - Perineum non-existent
Arse/Cunt - Ease of double-fisting

I lavish in the arterial spray of ragged wounds and screaming victims
I bathe in the agony of tool-inflicted amputation
Sawing and sawing and sawing, it leaves me itchin’
I have myself a hack-saw addiction

Shrieking - screaming bloody murder
Snapping - tendons won’t stretch further
Puncture - make my own vaginas
Rapture - you’d be dead if I was kinder
Voiding - Colon is now empty
Force feed - Oral shit re-entry
Tearing - Perineum non-existent
Arse/Cunt - Ease of double-fisting
Track Name: Grindcore Nipples
Grindcore Nipples!
Track Name: Severed Hippy Heads Carbonizing In A Campfire
Severed hippy heads carbonizing in a campfire

Worthless moonbats, burnout scum
Armpits overwhelm patchouli incense
Degenerate, jobless, PC pussies
Spange your way to the Rainbow Gathering
Live off food stamps, but fuck the Man
Musty stench of free love pig sex

Posted in a shanty
Bad blotter next camp over
Fry Malfunction
Neighbor's murderous trip
Unexpected death to hippies

Axe attacked
Ragged neck wounds
Headless gypsies
Hacking bum flesh
Body chewed
Engulfed in fire
Heads cremated
The killer dances
Acid psychosis
Drenched in blood
Trippin' balls
No survivors
Must find more
Must kill more
Stinking vagrants
Fucking hippies
Track Name: Just A Trench Coat Full Of Lollies
Chevy Astro Van with baby blankets used as curtains
Prowling around swing sets, malls and kindergartens
A leather duster, his cock, and a pocket full of Hershey's
See no grass on the field? Play ball.
Satiating his lust with ages 3 to 7
Preferably male with blonde hair and green eyes
Prey on the young, screams and fearful tears
Internal bleeding from heinous anal trauma

Biting as he thrusts
Horn-rimmed glasses fogged
Corporal ass fuck
Gagged with his sock
Find it hard to breathe?
Fatal penknife stabbing

Saw off the head!
Twelve little pieces!
Bagged up nicely!
And thrown in the river!

Cutting out the sphincter and chunk of large intestine
Slather it in Vaseline and use it as a fief
Nose-full of underwear, fondling himself tenderly
Cleaning off a soiled cock with a box of baby wipes


Drivin' himself home
He hoses the van out
He gets ready for work
A gruelling day of door to door
Selling carpet cleaners and steak knives!
Track Name: Putrefaction, Tackle Action
Street walking's not the problem
But there's a little something wrong
I'm fairly healthy, sailor
Unless we're talking about my dong
I'm livin' splaycheck to splay check
Got no money for the cure
I spread my clap like peanut butter
What they don't know won't hurt' em... Yet

Dick drenched in cologne
So it won't smell
Bump uglies with the lights off in an effort to hide my

Rotting, gangrenous member
During a night of vile, sickening dickening
With animal intensity
Carnal lust with a bacterial reaction
My putrefaction, tackle action

Scabby, oozing, seeping
Pus-riddled erection
Necrotic, crusty, chancres
Syphilitic infection
Contagious, breeding, thriving
Sickness of the wiener
Fasciitising, malignant, boner
Zombie-like pecker


Hundred bucks an hour
Diseased kind of sleaze
Pay for the orgasm
The parting gift is free
Track Name: Kill All Heshers
Annoying cunt-face
Dead-head spastic
I wish he was just dead
Stuff a hacky-sack
In his bong-hole

Severed dreadlock in my pocket
As my trophy…
Track Name: Tube-steaked Tube Sock
Dude, I was really drunk and horny
I had (a)
Half a stock
Blue balls
And your sock

I know you're really pissed and you have every right to be
But you donning a pair of dirty socks is a helluva lot grosser
Than last night's jizz inbetween your toes

Smelly cotton condom
Wooly one night stand
Argyle girl friend
I got off in your sock
Track Name: Napalm Sticks To All The Little Children Of The World
Hellishly ingenious
Glycerine and jet fuel
Carpet bomb the countryside
Charred limbs, flash fried
What used to be children
Cajun-style boys and girls
Leather on the outside
White meat on the inside

They all screamed alike when they were alight

The bomb doesn't discriminate
Casualties in the third degree

Napalm sticks to all the little children of the world
Track Name: Colossal Clown Hands (She Has Hands The Size Of God's Face)
Big Mitts
Huge ass
Ham fists
Man hands

This fucking blind date
Has to be a lame prank
Cute curvy blonde, five foot four
But she harbors hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys
Dick-skinners so mammoth they could be planets

She's got hands the size of God's face

Trying to make conversation, but rapidly going nowhere
Consumed by thoughts of those massive pork fingered nightmares
"Is your steak cooked to your liking?"
"It's just dandy, are you related to Lui Hua?"

They're too bulky for silverware
She uses her phalanges as a shovel
Empathetic tears came bitterly
When I learned she worked in proctology
Track Name: Hammer Smashed Faeces
Feculent violence with a ball peen hammer
Started small with diapers but then I eventually work my strength up to a ten pound crap maul, feverishly pummeling the shit out of unwitting occupied port-a-potties

Green plastic shatters
Cutting into Bill the painter
With my manure coated malus
I knock half his face off

Thrashed to a pulp
Hammer smashed faeces
Smashed into jelly
Mixed with sun-cooked sludge
Baptized in rancid waste, viscera and toilet paper
Clobbered into scraps and resting in excrement
My hands and face are covered in dookie

Sometimes I like to stick my face in a big ass puddle of human muck and drown myself completely in it until I black out and blow bubbles;
Waking up odoriferous and confused
Track Name: Stomach Pumped Semen Forcefully Reimbibed
Twenty year old bitch
OD'ed for attention, changed her mind, (and) dialed an ambulance
By the time they arrived, she was blacked out
Clutching Xanax bottles with a titty hanging out

Unorthodox gastric lavage
EMT's take turns fucking her face
Stomach lining coated in seed
Stopping further absorption of medication
Administered activated carbon
She's now choking on the charcoal

In the stomach

Black chunky slop
Containing pills and stringy slime
Massive handfuls
Dutifully stuffed back down

Stomach pumped semen forcefully reimbibed

Choking, still unconscious
Cycling tracheal violence
Pills flushed out of her system
Yet the punishment continues
When she wakes tomorrow she'll have no recollection
Of her degradation...
Track Name: Fucked With Anything Handy
Enter the world of a damaged girl
Beauty with a scarred sexual psyche
Sworn off vanilla sex, gotta make it hurt
But no acts involving another's member
Extensive, erotic catalogue
At the age of nine, her innocence lost
By her uncle and a lubed up permanent marker
Inanimacy, it's all fine and dandy
Fucked with anything handy

Thrust her with anything brusquely to make her cum
In order to get off, she requires a lot of pain

Blood-soaked penetration
Violent, to make her feel something
Stretching her out and pounding her hard
With a rolling pin missing the top handle
She gushed all over when I removed it from her and Stabbed her crotch with a garden trowel

She begged for more!

Grab the broom and break the handle
Punch it in and twist around
Splinters catch her insides and they tangle up
When I remove the handle, innards follow
She cums
All the while
Bleeding out